Cubicle Wars

Mix ten ingredients together and you have Irish stew; mix ten wildly different personalities together and you have...cubicle wars!

Imagine this scenario: Co-worker #1 is menopausal but in denial, so she always wears sweaters. Co-worker #2 is as thin as Sunday's paper and loves to wear the skimpiest fashions she can get away with. In fact, looking at her reminds you of the old joke: "The necklines are getting as low as possible, the hemlines are getting as short as possible, and soon you'll be able to see 'possible'!"

Throw in the usual old-building heating woes and voila! recipe for instant disaster.

The typical day goes something like this:
#1: Turn down the thermostat, will you?! I'm practically melting and sweat is ruining my brand-new sweater.
#2: What are you talking about?! If it gets any colder, I'll have to call up the Labour Board--(sarcastically) oh wait, I won't be able to, because my fingers will be frozen!

At this point, the ever-obliging building superintendent turns down the heat exactly half a degree, hoping that #2 will NOT put on a sweater. Not a chance! Twenty minutes later, #1 calls him back: "Oh, monsieur, there must be something wrong with the heating. It's freezing now... Maybe you should call in someone to check out the system--it's been like this ALL day!"

#2 meanwhile disappears downstairs to the cafeteria to grab a cup of coffee for warmth. By the time her break is over, she is all toasty-warm so she promptly rings up the super to cancel the request for more heat.

After eight hours of fruitlessly lowering and raising, raising and lowering the temperature controls, the super's blood pressure is about to hit the roof. He decides it would be a very good idea to pay the boss a visit.

At the end of the day, there are ten grouchy people and neither #1 nor #2 are satisfied.

To avoid full-blown war, yours truly seizes the opportunity to dash off a memo:

To: All employees
From: The Management
Re: Heating and A/C complaints

Going forward, all employees are required to keep in their cubicles or offices the
following items:

1) a sweater or jacket
2) a small electric fan
3) the phone number of the local ice cream parlour that delivers
4) earplugs!!

Thank you,

The Management